Grief as a Teacher: Surrendering to the Unknown
Making Space for Grief in a Fast-Paced World
Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience, and sooner or later, it touches all of us—whether through the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or having to let go of a future we once envisioned. Yet, we often do everything in our power to avoid grief—by numbing or distracting ourselves and trying to move forward too quickly. And it’s no surprise, as our society often leaves little room for grief and sorrow. There is a silent expectation to move on quickly and return to business as usual. As a result, we are left feeling alone and ill-equipped to navigate those unknown territories inside of ourselves.
This discomfort with grief is not just personal—it’s cultural. In today's world, we are far removed from the ways our ancestors used to grieve—through rituals, in community, and over extended periods of time. Without this guidance on how to face these dark places in our souls, many of us feel overwhelmed and fearful when grief inevitably knocks on our door. In response, we often suppress those heavy emotions, attempting to avoid the discomfort of loss and uncertainty. However, unprocessed grief does not simply disappear; instead, it finds other ways to express itself—for example through anxiety, depression, or psychosomatic symptoms.
„If sequestered pain made a sound, the atmosphere would be humming all the time.“
Embracing Grief as a Transformative Process
In The Wild Edge of Sorrow, psychotherapist Francis Weller invites us to find new perspectives on grief, both on an individual and a collective level. He writes, “When we are able to see times of loss as inevitable and, in a very real way, necessary, we are able to engage these moments and cultivate the art of living well, of metabolizing suffering into something beautiful and ultimately sacred.”
So, what if we embraced grief as a transformative process? In times of profound loss, we often feel as though our lives are divided into a clear “before” and “after.” We are no longer who we once were, yet the new version that might come out on the other side of this dark place is nowhere in sight. This liminal space can feel disorienting and difficult to endure. But what if, instead of fearing the darkness that grief has led us to, we explored this unfamiliar place with curiosity and openness?
If we dare to let go of control and surrender to the unknown, grief might just guide us toward deeper understanding, growth and wisdom. It may prompt us to reexamine how we live and invite more depth, vitality, and connection into our lives. In a society that focuses on instant gratification and a certain shallowness, grief reminds us of the raw, untamed experience of being alive—with all its highs and lows.
„Embrace your grief, for there your soul will grow.“
The Role of Grief in a Changing World
This important grief work does not only apply to losses in our personal lives. The ongoing destruction of our planet is becoming more apparent, and many of us feel the spiritual and psychological decay of our society. If we dare to fully feel this pain of our world —if we allow it to touch us deeply—we might awaken to a new way of relating to the world, finding greater meaning and a sense of interconnectedness. This planetary grief asks us to surrender to the uncertainty of our times, to this collective dark night of the soul.
We don’t know what the future holds, but we can begin the inner work necessary to contribute to a new way of being on our shared planet. It may not be immediately visible, but “our activism is directly connected to our heart’s ability to respond to the world. A congested heart, one burdened with unexpressed sorrow, cannot stay open to the world and consequently cannot be fully available for the healing work so needed at this time.” (Weller)
Ultimately, how we respond to grief shapes our experience. Do we allow it to move through us, to remind us of our aliveness and our ability to love and feel deeply, or do we resist it, shutting ourselves off from the depth of our emotions? Perhaps grief is not something to overcome but rather something to integrate—a guide that deepens our connection to ourselves, to each other, and to the world. By honoring our grief, we don’t just hold space for sorrow—we also invite the possibility of something new to unfold.
“The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe.”
Joanna Macy
References
Books:
Macy, J., & Johnstone, C. (2022). Active Hope (Revised): How to Face the Mess We’re in with Unexpected Resilience and Creative Power. New World Library.
Weller, F. (2015). The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief. North Atlantic Books.
Podcast:
Baker, C. (2023). An Evolutionary Crisis Leads to an Evolutionary Birth. (Episode). In New Dimensions [Podcast].
Image:
Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash.